This Is What I Am
by Twilight1rox
Summary: Bella Swan has always been unwanted. Shuffled from foster home to foster home, her life has been hell. Finally back where she belongs, can a green eyed boy make her or break her? :D Please review!
1. Chapter 1

I was always the unwanted.

I was born on September 13th, many years ago, or so it seems to me. I was dropped off at a small police station, where my father picked me up from the stoop out front. I was alone, with a note attached to the small blanket I had been swaddled in. The note was simple, explaining the many apologies my mother had for my father. It spoke of her many failed "coat-hanger" abortions. It spoke of how she had never wanted a child in the first place. Even as a little thought in the back of her mind, I was unwanted. As a small fetus, I was unwanted. The final act of her hatred of me was to drop me off like trash at that police station, like I was trash. "No Child Left Behind", my ass. A safe haven is only safe for so long. My father couldn't care for me. He was unruly, and a drug addict, and a corrupt policeman. He didn't need or want me either. So he too, dropped me off. Into foster care.

Dropped into a world of hatred, as a small baby I was shuffled from foster care to foster care. I couldn't stop crying due to my constant agony. My immune system had always been weak, and I was constantly sick. I suppose it was an after effect of the drugs my mother had always been on while pregnant with me, her unwanted child. After my fourth foster home, I was diagnosed with pneumonia, and was required to go to the hospital for a few months. I was only five months old. I was in the NICU, alone. I was a ward of the state, because no one wanted to care for me. I barely made it alive, and probably wouldn't have, had it not been for my nurse, Esme. She was a new nurse in neonatal intensive care unit, and had been married for a while. She had a son slightly older than I, and knew how hard it was for me. She fostered me until I was two, and they shuffled me to a different home. Esme still keeps in touch.

After many foster cares, I was shuffled back there. I was fifteen years old, and going back to Esme's. After being turned out of my old foster home for self mutilation, I hadn't a place to go. Esme took me in. She was my eleventh foster home in fifteen years. Her son was a year or two older than I, and she had another son who was in college. She hadn't any daughters besides a young girl named Alice, who was about twelve. Esme promised I would fit in there, but I could never be sure. After a few hours of traveling in the middle of September, I was finally at Esme. Esme rushed out to greet me, and hugged me tightly. A small group of teenagers trailed behind her, hesitant to see me.

One brawny boy rushed up with a grin, and gave me a hug. A blonde haired girl gave me a glare. A tall and muscular boy looked down at his shoes. He looked up at me, shy. His hands were in his pockets, his shoulders shrugged. I looked into his big green eyes and he gave me the slightest of grins. I returned my stare to the ground. When I looked up again, he looked hurt, and he was walking away. Esme started to get my small bag of belongings, when a small girl ran up to me and hugged me around the neck with a lot of force. She squealed with delight as she hugged me. I grinned down at her, happy that someone besides Esme and her son liked me. I smiled slightly as I walked through the doors that I had known for so long, but hadn't been to in ages.

Hi, my name is Isabella Swan, and this is my story.


	2. Chapter 2

"Isabella."

I sighed. Foster families are always the same. They never remember you. They remember your bad parts, or the fact that you were there, and sometimes, after a while, they don't even remember that you existed. I wondered if Esme was that way…. It's understandable, really. There are so many kids that pass through the system, so why would they remember me? I was one of the ones that faded deep into the background.

I turned my head to see her. "Bella. My name is Bella." I quietly reminded her. She tutted at me, (like when older people scoff at you, or click their teeth at you slightly) as a small, blonde haired child ran to clutch at my legs. I smiled down at his freckled face. His name was Cameron and he was one and a half. I'd been with him and his family for a month and a half.

Mrs. Walker, my foster mother, looked down fondly at her son. Her head slowly raised to meet mine, and I inwardly groaned. I knew what was coming. "He really loves you, you know." I plastered a smile onto my face.

I looked down at Cameron. I really did love him, but he could be a handful. He pulled at my baggy jeans, murmuring my name, Izzy. He was the only one who could call me that and get away with it. He smiled widely up at me, his small teeth gleaming, and drool running from his mouth.

Mrs. Walker continued talking to me. "Josiah has a doctor's appointment today at five, and you know I can't take Cam with me. You need to watch him for me, please. Would you?"

I nodded my head at her. I might as well agree, as if I had any choice. She was only nice to me when I did exactly as she wanted and as long as I watched her children while she did various, often useless, tasks. That was the only time I felt she wanted me around. I felt as though Cameron was the only one who wanted me around, and I think he needed me. Josiah was an evil little kid, who would pick on Cameron all the time if no one was watching him. Even if I was watching them, Josiah would pick on him, being rude and would insult me up and down, every single time I reprimanded him.

Josiah's form slid across the floor, and I clutched Cameron tighter to me, as I picked him up. Josiah's black skin shimmered in the morning sunshine streaming in from the window. His black hair glistened with the water from his shower. I had a weird feeling that Mrs. and Mr. Walker only liked boys in their house. They had two sons. Andrew was from out of wedlock, when my foster parents were only eighteen. Andrew was nineteen now. Josiah was in the middle of being adopted. I, on the other hand, was the family stray.

I suppose I could see why Josiah got more attention than Cameron. Josiah had sickle cell anemia. He was overly spoiled though, and brought up with everything on earth. He was eight now. Josiah had been with the family for four years.

I sighed as I put a very frantic Cameron down. I felt badly for him, and wanted to pick him up and keep him away from Josiah, but I couldn't. I had to go to school.

I picked up my old gray backpack from the floor, which was dusty where Josiah's shoes had been. I looked down at the floor, and ended up analyzing my appearance in the process. We lived in southern Arizona, and I stuck out like a soar thumb. It was the middle of May and I was as pale as a sheet. My clothes were old and baggy. They were all dark colours, and they were all heavy. Today, I was wearing dark, baggy jeans, and a hoodie, two sizes too big. My long brown hair was wound into a loose bun on the back of my head, as always. Every article of clothing I owned was a hand-me-down of some sort.

I said my goodbyes to my foster family. Cameron's eyes were already filling with tears as I started walking for the bus. At school, I tried to remain inconspicuous. I didn't want to make friends if I was moving in a few months anyway. I heard the Walkers talking about sending me at the end of summer.

I headed out the door in my falling-apart black converse. I walked down the road to get to my bus stop. A car raced by me, splashing my body with a giant puddle full of murky rain water from last night's storm. I groaned, but internally, I was relieved that I had a change of clothes in my backpack. One thing that you learn in foster care: always be prepared for the worst.

When I reached the bus stop, I was greeted by the unfriendly faces of my neighbors and peers. I glared downwards until the bus came. I climbed on last and found myself to be sitting alone in the very middle of the bus. I may have been in the middle, but I was totally ignored by everyone around me.

The day passed by miserably, just like every other day I'd been here. And just like every other day of my life, I was totally and completely, unwanted.

I REQUIRE THREE OR FOUR REVIEWS for the next chapter. Thanks yall. Love you! –Kassie

:D


	3. Chapter 3

End of the summer

They handed me one single thing to take with me. A large, black, plastic bag, a Glad trashbag to be exact, though I was anything but glad. Linda Walker had a tight lipped smile as her cold eyes appraised my work, her eyes sometimes wandering to my arms where the cuts were most visible. It was almost as if she was afraid that, as I was packing, I would steal her precious child or her grass or something. Josiah was curled around her feet, glaring up at me as I packed. I was leaving today from this hellhole, and my one major regret was that I couldn't take Cam with me. Cam's little face was peeking from the door. Josiah was throwing dirty glances towards him and I felt terrible for leaving him alone here.

I smiled lightly, wanting to cry, as Mrs. Walker tossed me an old shirt of mine, then wiped her hands, as if she was afraid of the filth I might be carrying. I heard Mr. Walker coming up the stairs and I sighed. It was about time for me to go, and it seemed far too early. I had grown accustomed to Mr. Walker's secretive grins and rolling eyes at me, and I had grown used to Mrs. Walker's cold glances. No matter what, leaving a house where you've lived at for a while and gotten used to is always hard.  
I would have to meet the social worker at the train station. I had to take a train with her up to Seattle, where Esme had moved. I looked down at my belongings and sucked in my stomach and breath. I made my face into stone and looked back up at Mr. and Mrs. Walker.

"I'm ready." I sighed.

The next evening, in Seattle, I was sitting on my bed. I had stayed overnight in a foster home for the night with a few others. The social worker, Molly, reappeared at four P.M. I groaned as I dragged my bag to her car. She smiled at me gently and opened her mouth to say some great words of wisdom, I suppose.

"Save it. I've heard it all before." I said, raising a hand, as if to say stop.

We rode in silence for the rest of the trip, but it went by too fast. After the sloping mountains and the black skies for endless miles, we got there.

I was finally at Esme's. Esme rushed out to greet me, and hugged me tightly. A small group of teenagers trailed behind her, hesitant to see me.

One brawny boy rushed up with a grin, and gave me a hug. A blonde haired girl gave me a glare. A tall and muscular boy looked down at his shoes. He looked up at me, shy. His hands were in his pockets, his shoulders shrugged. I looked into his big green eyes and he gave me the slightest of grins. I returned my stare to the ground. When I looked up again, he looked hurt, and he was walking away. Esme started to get my small bag of belongings, when a small girl ran up to me and hugged me around the neck with a lot of force. She squealed with delight as she hugged me. I grinned down at her, happy that someone besides Esme and her son liked me. I smiled slightly as I walked through the doors that I had known for so long, but hadn't been to in ages.

Esme pulled my trashbag along with her before the muscular boy pulled it from her hands.

"Thank you, Emmett. Please take it to her room." Esme said calmly as I appraised everyone. Esme had the golden brown hair and her bright green eyes. She was slightly shorter than me but easily stronger. I grinned at her as I walked into the familiar living room. Blondie followed Emmett up the stairs to my room. I had visited Esme a few years ago when I was ten, and all of the boys were on a camping trip. I had stayed in her son's room.

She went around the circle introducing me.

"Bella, this is Alice." She said, as she pointed at the hyperactive twelve year old that was currently bouncing as she looked at me, smiling. She was small and had short spiky hair. She obviously had her own sense of style but looked better than I did, even being just twelve.

"This is Jasper. He's Rosalie's, the blonde girl who went upstairs with Emmett, brother. He's fourteen." Esme said, as a blonde, curly haired boy walked in. I notice Alice immediately stopped bouncing and looked down at her shoes, blushing. I grinned. Someone defiantly had a crush.

"The boy who went upstairs is my son, Emmett. He's in college, and Rosalie is his girlfriend." She said, gesturing upstairs.

"This is Carlisle, my darling husband." She said as a skinny and handsome blonde man came into the room. She looked fondly up at her husband as she reached up on her tip-toes to kiss him lightly. I smiled. He looked at me with honey-gold eyes. He stayed silent.

"And finally, this is…" Esme started, but she was cut off.

"Let her find out my name for herself, mom. She should know." The bronze-haired god said, looking at me. His green eyes pierced me. They were a shocking green, matching Esme's but slightly darker. There were flecks of gold that matched his father's. I looked down at my faded jeans and my old-falling-apart converse. The Adonis was wearing grey jeans and a black shirt. He looked defiant but quiet. Had I imagined the hurt from earlier? He buried his hands in his pocket, and turned to go up the stairs.

I sighed.

Rosalie came back down and glared at me. Ah, this was the treatment that I was used to. I smiled sweetly back at her.

"We waited for you to eat dinner. Won't you join us? This place is now your home too." Carlisle said quietly.

I looked up at him. "That would be great, Mr. Cullen." I said in a quiet tone to match his. Esme looked at me oddly before grinning,

"Mom and Dad. Or Esme and Carlisle, if you want." She started to walk towards the dining room.

"Mom and Dad…." I murmured to myself. Everyone else had gone into the dining room. I'd not had a mom, nor a dad in so long. I smiled at the thought.

Dinner went by quickly. We had shephard's pie (MY FAVOURITE) and talked quietly. Alice insisted on sitting next to me, and Esme on the other side. Adonis didn't come down to eat. I kept a smile on my face, though I wanted to know the deal with him was. I sighed in contentment as I patted my stomach.

"Are you full, fattie?" Rosalie whispered to me. I ignored her, trying to keep to myself. Esme and Carlisle were going into the kitchen to get the dessert, and Emmett was cleaning up from dinner. Alice had disappeared with Jasper.

"Fattie!" She whispered at me, cruel and quiet.

"What do you want, Rosalie?" I asked, my voice clipped with the pain I was feeling.

"Why don't you leave? No one wants you here. Why are you intruding into my family? We're fine without you." She hissed at me. I felt the dam breaking.

"Go to hell!" I whispered.

"Bitch." She whispered back.

I heard the screech of my chair as I pushed it back suddenly. I felt the tears start to trickle down my face as I ran out of the room, knocking into Emmett on my way out.

"Watch it, brat." He said rudely, before looking down at me. He looked stunned that it was me but I was already half way up the stairs, sobbing harder than ever.

"I'm sorry Bella! I thought you were Alice. Are you okay?" He called, but I didn't respond. I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. I ran to the bathtub and grabbed someone's razor, as I fell upon my knees. I slit little cuts all on the outer part of my arm as I cried.

I wiped my eyes as I looked in the mirror. Blood covered my arm but I was fine. I wrapped it in toilet paper and pulled down my sleeve. I washed the razor off and placed it gently back where I found it. I opened the door and turned off the light, trying to guide myself downstairs when I suddenly ran into none other than Adonis.

"Sorry, Bella. Are you okay?" He asked, his dark eyes searching my face in concern as his hand caught the last tear dribbling down it. His cool breath blew in my face as I walked into a room that he led me into. He flipped on the light. I looked around it in amazement. It was a dark blue and gold room. Posters were tacked to the wall and dark shades covered the windows. There was a sleek compute with a picture of a beautiful girl on it. I looked at her for a minute before Adonis turned to look at her.

"Abigail. She's my girlfriend. Eleven months tomorrow. She's perfect." He smiled proudly at me. I kept looking at her. She had long, straight, light brown hair, and brown eyes. Her heart shaped face held a lot of makeup, but she looked stunning. I frowned.

"And you are?" I whispered.

"Edward. Edward Cullen. I'm surprised you don't remember me. I remember vaguely you. I was six when you left. You were five. We were best friends." He smiled down at me.

"Hey, Bella, what's wrong?" He asked, slightly stroking my face. I burst out crying again. He gave me a big hug, sitting me down on his bed, while he grabbed the rolling chair from the desk.

I was just about to tell him something to make him calm down, when his eyes nearly popped out of his head. The green orbs blared at my wrist, where my dark red shirt had pulled up slightly. A piece of bloody toilet paper stuck out from my sleeve. I sighed.

"Bella! What's that? Did you get a scratch?" He asked, reaching for me. My arm was searing.

I pulled away from him. He got a suspicious look on his face as he reached for it again.

"I've got to go, Edward. See you in the morning." I said as I ran out of the room. I went to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and pulling my sleeve up. I took off the toilet paper to see a large pool of blood. My arm was sticky with it.

The door opened to Edward looking at me and my arm. Shit.


	4. Chapter 4

"Bella?" He said, with a slight amount of alarm in his voice. I groaned, knowing that this was not going to go well. He took a step towards me.

I took a step back. "Please, forget what you see and leave me alone. Please." I begged him. He looked like he was about to cry. He stepped forward and hugged me closely. I could smell the Old Spice on him and he kept me close. My entire arm was covered in blood. He let go of me and shut the door. Edward grabbed something from under the sink. He poured the peroxide on my arm. I cried out in pain as he grit his teeth. I could tell he was pained about doing this. He bandaged up my arm and took a steadying breath. I saw tears in his eyes, but in the blink of an eye, they were gone.

He led me back to his room.

"Please, Bella. Why?" He said as he sat down next to me on his bed. His head wasn't facing me and he was rubbed his temples. Edward's eyes were squeezed tightly.

"I…couldn't do it alone. Rosalie…." I trailed off. Edward's eyes shot open, and he looked murderous. I grabbed his hand so he wouldn't tear away and go drown her. He breathed deeply as I talked to him about her.

"It's why I was kicked out of my old foster care." He looked at me, tearing up. Edward held both of my hands, and pulled up my sleeves. Hundreds of scars were torn across my arms and wrists.

"This one?" He asked, gently touching a very dark scar. He was keeping his voice light, but he sounded like he was burning on the inside.

"Three foster homes ago. I…..tried to kill myself." I started crying again, and then he was gone from next to me. He picked up a guitar in the corner of the room and he sat next to me.

"Bella?" Edward asked as I laid my head on his pillow, exhausted and crying after a long day.

"Yeah?" I replied, as my tears kept rolling.

"I'll always be here for you." He said as he started playing.

_You come to me with scars on your wrists__  
__You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this__  
__I just came to say goodbye__  
__I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine__  
__But I know it's a lie.___

_This is the last night you'll spend alone__  
__Look me in the eyes so I know you know__  
__I'm everywhere you want me to be.__  
__The last night you'll spend alone,__  
__I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,__  
__I'm everything you need me to be…._

And with that, I fell deeply asleep.

I woke up to the light streaming into the navy and gold room. I groaned and looked around for Edward. I giggled as I looked below me. Edward was sleeping soundly on the floor, snoring slightly. My arm was throbbing, and I looked at the bandages. I looked down at the hoodie that was now covering it. "Forks High School" was displayed across it. I sighed. School would be starting on tomorrow. I watched as Edward slept for a few minutes before the light woke him up. It was a rare day, I suppose, that in Forks, it would be sunny. I saw the dew outside. Edward rubbed his red-rimmed eyes and looked around, seemingly stunned to be on the floor. He looked up at me.

My heart melted slightly. Edward grinned up at me, lazily. "Good morning, sleepy head."

"I'm only tired because for half of the night, I was up worrying about you, and the other half, I couldn't sleep well because someone was sleep talking." He groaned, stretching.

"I'm sorry about that." I said, blushing. I could feel the blood rush in my ears and my cheeks. Edward smiled at me, cupping his hand to my cheek as he stood up.

"Little sister, it's fine. I would've done the same for Alice, any day. You're a part of the family now. Speaking of which, Mom probably made breakfast this morning. She already loves you, you know? But be warned, everyone will probably be down there." He said, relaxed. I grimaced. I would have to face Rosalie again, and Emmett. Edward paused, analyzing my face. "I'll stay with you. You never did tell me what happened last night." He said, his tone half joking, but with a very serious undertone.

"Later, Edward." I sighed as we walked out of his bedroom. He paused, turning back in and returning quickly, holding a pair of pajama pants.

"You'll be more comfortable, and it'll look less suspicious. Though, with my family, I highly doubt they don't know that you slept in my room last night." He sighed, steering me toward some room.

"Your room." He said, gesturing inside. It was beautiful. The walls were the same stunning green as Edward and Esme's eyes. The bed was a gold colour and there was a small desk that went with everything. The closet door was open, and I was stunned to see it overflowing with clothes.

"I like Alice's clothes, but where will I be sleeping?" I asked, seeing the only one bed.

I heard Edward sigh. I looked up at him. "Everything in this room is yours. Alice helped pick out everything, but we already knew your size so we bought clothes, and this is your room. We don't share rooms." I was stunned.

"I've never had a room to myself before, and I've never had so many clothes." I whispered. Even in my last home, which had all boys, I slept in Cam's room. I would tend to him throughout the night when he cried. Edward gave me a big hug.

"We're your family now. We all love you, little sis. We want the best for you. Now, change into these, or choose something from your closet, but be careful, Alice has odd tastes." And then, he closed the door as he walked out. I heard him walk a few steps, then stop, waiting for me. I pulled off my old jeans, and pulled on Edward's sweat pants. I didn't want to tackle the closet right then. I opened the door hesitantly. Edward was texting someone on his phone before he looked up at me. I was curious.

"Abigail." He said, explaining. My heart did a weird flip thing. "She's just saying good morning. She told me to tell you the same." Then he stood up, and took my arm as we started to walk down the long and winding staircase that I didn't know they had. "Ready little sis?" Edward asked, looking down at me.

I nodded, lying. I was in no way ready but I would have to grin and bear it. He brought me down the stairs into a small hallway, and led me to a door. He squeezed me for a second before pushing open the door to the kitchen.

"Bella!" Alice squealed. "Mom and Dad said I couldn't wake up you or Edward this morning so I've been waiting for you. We made breakfast, if you want it. Everyone is waiting for you guys and the table was just set and mom says you can eat whatever, and….." Alice trailed off, taking a large breath. Esme opened the dining room door at that moment.

"Bella! I trust Alice has been telling you about what we've made for you this morning. How was your sleep? Where'd you go last night?" She asked, pulling me into a tight hug. I grimaced, but only Edward caught it. He made a face at my arm. I playfully hit him in the arm. Alice shooed me into the dining room as she and Esme took something off the stove. Everything in this house smelled amazing. I smelled the coffee brewing and the eggs cooking. I closed my eyes and inhaled, before Edward pushed me toward the table. I grimaced as I looked at Rosalie's cold glare, but she wasn't as harsh. I sat down where Edward pulled out my chair. Edward sat next to me, as Alice bounded in, carrying a plate of pancakes. Esme came out with Eggs Benedict for each of us. I looked down at it oddly, not knowing what it was.

Everyone else had started to dig in, and I looked around awkwardly. I asked to be excused for a minute. Esme smiled at me, and Edward looked at me oddly. I walked into the kitchen, and looked around suspiciously as I knelt down. "Bless us, oh Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thy bounty…" I said before a voice joined in. "Through Christ, our Lord. Amen." Jasper and I finished together. I looked at him for a minute.

"Catholic?" He guessed. I nodded.  
"My foster family from when I was nine was Catholic. They kept me for a while so I picked it up and they got me baptized. I usually stayed a long time with a foster family, or an incredibly short time. I stayed with them for a year and a half. They were thinking about adopting me, but then couldn't, so I got shuffled again." I said, looking down at my bare feet.

"Me too. Well, not the foster care, but I'm Catholic, and I'm the last in my family to stay that way." He grinned at me. "So how do you like it here so far?"

"So far, it's been the best foster care so far. Everyone is great. Well, everyone except…." I trailed off, not meaning to insult him.

"Rosalie. Yeah, she'll need some time to get used to you." Jasper laughed.

"Everyone seems really nice. Especially Edward. And Alice! She's….eccentric, but really sweet." I said, doing a little snooping. Just as I suspected, with Alice's name, Jasper blushed a dark red. I grinned and we went back into the dining room. I ate the entire meal in near silence.

After breakfast, against my insisting, Alice and Esme took me to Port Angeles to go shopping. They led me to the grocery store and to the clothing store before I finally begged to be brought back. Alice started groaning, but Esme persisted.

"Bella's not used to shopping like you do. We can come back later on, Alice. Bella probably needs some time off."

Alice pouted in the backseat the entire ride home.

"You can give me a makeover when we get home, if you want. I know how much you'd like to." I bribed. Alice immediately smiled at me, and started being her normal self.

"You'll need something to do while Edward's texting his _girlfriend_." She sounded slightly bitter.

"What's wrong with her girlfriend?" I asked. She looked perfect to me. Alice groaned.

"I just don't like her. She treats me as if I know nothing about fashion, and as if I was about three. I'm twelve, not stupid. Edward would be so much better for you!" Alice whined. Esme and I rolled our eyes. Edward and I? Never. I'd never had a boyfriend before, and Edward was almost 2 years older, but in the same grade because I was advanced, and kids in Phoenix started school before kids in Seattle. Speaking of school, I was so nervous about the next day.

"Can I do another makeover in the morning? I want to make you better looking than that Abigail Hayden Dakota. Can I? Can I? Can I?" Alice asked, echoing my own thoughts. I nodded, distracted.

Alice and I brought in the bags of groceries and clothes into the house as Esme got the mail. Esme put the groceries away as Alice dragged me upstairs by my arm. She was surprisingly strong for a twelve year old. She pulled me up to the furthest room from my own. The house was huge! We must've gone down at least two hallways before getting to her bathroom, where she made me take a shower while she went into her room, doing God only knows what.

After my shower, she ushered me into her room. Alice's room was large, black, and pink. It looked like a beauty salon. She had the biggest closet I had seen in my entire life. She sat me down in her spinning beauty salon chair and blew dry my hair. She appraised my face before deciding what makeup to put on me.

She turned on a song as loud as it would go as it was working. I recognized the song and started singing along.

"Don't wanna hear your sad songs  
I don't wanna feel your pain  
When you swear it's all my fault  
'Cause you know we're not the same  
No, we're not the same, oh, we're not the same

We're the friends who stuck together  
We wrote our names in blood  
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good  
It's good, it's good…"

Soon, Alice and I were screaming along to the song, Ignorance, by Paramore. (**I'm obsessed with that song right now**)  
After what seemed like ages, Alice was finally done, and my voice was sore. We had belted out large amounts of Paramore and A Rocket to the Moon. She spun me around in the mirror. I looked amazing! Alice was the best person to do my makeup ever. She spun me around, appraising my outfit before tutting (**scoffing or disapproval sound**). She grabbed something out of the bag of the things we got from the store. It was a pair of gray faded skinny jeans. Next, she pulled out a deep royal blue halter, with a silver belt, and silver jewelry. I quickly stripped off my robe and pulled on everything that Alice had laid out. This hadn't been that much of the torture that I thought it would be. I grinned at myself in the mirror and Alice high-fived me. With that, she pushed me out to find Edward. I grimaced. I didn't like Edward that way. I did want to find him and talk to him though. I walked down the hallway when I heard his sweet voice singing.

"I'll show you, I'll show you  
And you'll know, and you'll know, and that I'm not letting go  
Badabupbupbudupbubububada

Oh Dakota, I know our love is new.  
I barely know you  
I'm falling over you  
It's the way you do, the things you do  
That make me fall in love with you  
Dakota, are you in love with me too?  
Well I'm in love with you, are you in love with me too?"

By the end of the song, I was crying slightly. I was drowning in sadness but I had no clue why. I heard a girl giggle from Edward's room and a quiet "I love you, Edward." And then it felt like my heart was being ripped out from my chest and stomped on. I couldn't stand listening to them for one minute longer. And with me crying for no reason, I ran to the bathroom and took off all the makeup and went and changed into sweats. I was miserable. Their words rang in my head. "I love you." Those words ran around in my head for hours. I cried until I fell asleep.

**Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Poor Bella ****. I need 4 reviews for the next chapter pwease. Thank you so much for the other reviews. **

**OmTrOcKiT1o1****, I'm sorry you didn't like my story. **


	5. Chapter 5

"Bella? Bella! Belllllaaaaa!" I heard Alice squeal. I groaned. I was not a morning person. I rolled over to escape her shaking and loud noises. My eyes popped open as I looked at the clock.

"Five-thirty, Alice? Really? I am not getting up this early. Wake me up in forty five minutes, and then you can do my makeup and stuff." I said, already back asleep. "No! You said I could do your makeup so I am going to do it!" Alice growled, obviously getting vexed at me. I sighed, pushing my body off of the warm and comfortable mattress. Alice looked pleased as she pushed me into the way too bright bathroom. "Shower!" she commanded, and skipped off to her room.

I hissed quietly to myself as I pulled off my clothes. I was still wearing Edward's sweatshirt, which smelled of him. I sniffed it deeply then snuggled my face into it, holding it close. I heard Alice play her iPod while I was in the shower.

"You're standing all alone  
Short of breath and tired eyed  
You're shaking to the bone  
Overdressed and nowhere else to go  
Oh, girl I need to know  
Let's get you from the cold  
I'll help you with your overcoat  
I'll never let you go  
I need you more then I could ever show you  
Tell me now, because I need to know

Everybody needs somebody sometimes (sometimes)  
Everybody needs somebody on their mind  
So tell me what you want girl  
I'll be there, to hold you  
'Cause everybody needs somebody sometimes…"

I looked down at my arms. I had to explain to Alice the day before why my arm was bandaged. "A cat." I had explained to her. It seemed to work well. I looked at the cuts that ran all over the place, and I missed Edward's hugs, but I wouldn't be able to stick around with him when his girlfriend was around. It was for the best. I ran my hand through my hair as I squirted my strawberry-and-crème shampoo into my hair (**I've never seen strawberry shampoo). **All of the sudden, I heard a toilet flush, and the water became frigid. I growled. Alice. I hopped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body, then bandaged up my arm again.

I opened the door into the freezing air. I hated getting out of bed and I hated getting out of the shower. The little one looked up at me before dragging me to her room to get changed. I groaned as she closed the door, forcing me to be Barbie Bella, once again.

Soon, I was dressed and made up more than I ever had been for school before. I looked down at my jade green dress that went to mid-thigh. I was wearing that with a gold pair of shoes and gold accessories. There was an intricate pattern to the top of it, but it was hard to explain. I grinned at my primped and plucked face in the mirror. Then, all of the sudden, my anxiety kicked in with a vengeance, but Alice was already pushing me to the stairs. I breathed in slowly as I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Esme smiled up at me. "Alice?" she guessed. I nodded, looking silently at the clock. Six forty-five. Esme looked to where my gaze was resting. "You need to be there by seven twenty to get ready and get to your locker and everything. Classes start at eight-fifteen. You and Edward need to leave at….seven ten. Speaking of Edward, where is he?"

"Is he awake?" I asked, becoming slightly nervous. I couldn't be late on my first day!

Esme sighed. "Can you go wake him up for me? I'll make you a smoothie for breakfast."

I smiled at her. Smoothies were my favourite. I ran up the stairs as fast as I could to Adonis's room. I knocked softly. No answer. I creaked open the door. I didn't see anyone.

"Edward!" I hissed. His head shot up lazily from next to his bed. He had a kiss mark on his cheek and he looked sleepily at me.

"Whazup? Izitimeforschool?" He said.

"What? I can't understand you." I said slowly, as if speaking to a moron. I knew I was being a bit harsh, but I couldn't stand to be nice to him right then.

"Isabella. What's wrong?" He looked at me, his head cocked.

"Nothing! Leave me alone, Edward. It's time for school. What on earth are you doing on the floor?" I asked, very annoyed.

"If you needed to come back, then you would be able to sleep on the bed…" He said, still groggy. I felt my heart melt as he said that. "You look cute today, little sis." Edward said, looking me up and down. I blushed as he stood up. His shirt was on the floor. He stood up and I ogled at his pale chest. His abs were totally defined. His bronze/gold hair was ruffled. I was stunned by how sweet he was.

"So, while I'm getting ready, what's wrong? And what happened last night? I heard you crying. Did Rosalie get to you again? I told her to lay off." Edward said, growling when he said Rosalie's name. Once again, I was shocked. He had said something to her? My heart melted down to a puddle. I suddenly wanted to go over there and….kiss him? God, that was screwed up. I wanted to kiss my brother, who had a girlfriend. He called me his little sister.

However, he was looking at me like much more than a little sister, and I grinned. "You didn't answer my questions, Belly." He said.

I scowled. "Bella. Never Belly. Nothing's wrong, and I wasn't crying." I said, my hard façade coming back, but not with nearly as much strength. I watched as he went digging through his closet. He held up a dark red shirt.

"This one? I want to look perfect for Abigail."

I nodded, my heart falling apart again, but I put on a smile for him.

"Hold on." Edward said, jumping into his walk-in closet. A minute later, he immerged in the red shirt, a black and white jacket, and grey jeans. I grinned. Ali wasn't the only one in the family with an impeccable fashion sense. He did a turn for me, showing off.

"Oh shit!" We both said as we looked at the clock. I blushed profusely as Edward laughed. It was 7:05 and we had to leave in a few minutes. All of the sudden, I felt Edward's body up against mine, squeezing me in a giant hug. I laughed and looked up into his bright green eyes. His gaze captured mine for a minute and our faces were so close. I leaned in closely. He smelled so good. Edward closed his eyes, and then put me down. He seemed frustrated. He dragged me out of his room.

"Please don't come in again. I'll be out in a minute." He said, and he shut the door in my face…..

**I'm updating later tonight. Can I get just one review?**


	6. Chapter 6

I waited a few minutes in the car. When Edward hopped in, it was already seven-twenty. I huffed angrily. He glanced at me, clearly annoyed, though I had no clue why. I was just about to say something before he blasted music through the car. Almost immediately, I heard his voice.

"Oh Dakota, I know our love is new.

I barely know you…."

I pressed the button on the stereo. The music immediately stopped. He glared at me.

"What's your problem, Isabella?" Edward asked, sending me a glare to rival Medusa's.

"Nothing. I was just about to ask the same question. Don't' call me Isabella."

"I'm not the one who turned off the stereo for no reason."

"It was way too loud, Edward. Some of us have ears that aren't used to this amount of noise." I hissed.

All of the sudden, the car stopped on the side of the road. He parked it, and rubbed his temples. "Listen, if we can't get along, it's close enough that I can walk and you can take the Volvo. It's just down the street and you take a left. You can go if you'd like." He said his voice much softer. I shook my head. I hadn't gotten my drivers license yet.

"Listen, Bella, I don't want to fight with you. I just got a little overwhelmed, and I'm cranky in the morning. I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm sorry." He said, lifting my chin up to see him. His eyes were smoldering. I couldn't stay mad.

"Okay. Let's go to school." I sighed, looking at the clock. It was seven-thirty. I was already late for my first day. We were there within minutes though.

I looked at the tiny school. He stopped at the first building, picking one of the best parking spots. Edward stopped and as I was picking up my bag and taking a big breath, he was already opening my door for me. I smiled up at him as he took the bag from my shoulders and helped me out of the car. We walked together and he opened the office door.

A large, pudgy woman with red hair and glasses was waiting for us. "Isabella Swan?" She asked, though knowledge already lighted her eyes. I nodded, suddenly shy. "Here's your schedule, and your map. Your parents already called in and asked for you to be in Edward's classes, so your schedules are the same. School starts in forty minutes, so you can take a tour with Edward. Your homerooms are the same too, Mrs. Seall's classroom. It's in the English department. We hope you'll have a great experience here. Most of your classes are mixed between grades, but for homeroom, it'll be all juniors. Okay?" I nodded again. She was defiantly a talker. She and Alice would get along well.

Edward and I walked outside for a few minutes. I read the packet of information that he gave me, when he led me to a building. I didn't pay attention as he walked me everywhere, pointing out things. All of the sudden, I nearly ran into a pimply, lanky bespectacled boy. He looked flustered.

"Hey Ben." Edward said, grinning down at the small boy. "Good summer?"

"The best. Who's this?" Ben asked.

"Bella, meet Ben Cheney. He's a junior, like us. Ben meet Isabella Swan."

"Bella." I reminded Edward.

"H-h-hi Bella. It's n-n-nice to meet-t you." Ben stuttered. I felt badly for him.

"Ben's family adopted another child, Damien. You'll meet him soon." Edward said, looking down at me. "Speaking of Damien, where is he? I haven't seen him much this summer."

"Damien went and saw his biological brother in California for most of the summer. He should be in the Spanish room helping out, but I'm not positive."

I was starting to get anxious. I didn't know anyone around here besides Edward and Emmett. I squeezed Edward's hand. He looked down at me, and obviously got the message.

"Hey, Ben. We have to go but we'll see you in Bio 2 and Algebra 2. Okay?" Edward asked, already steering me off. Ben called goodbye, but we were already gone.

We walked past a room marked "Spanish", and Edward stopped in his tracks and peered inside. "Damien!" He called. All of the sudden, an extremely pale guy jumped. He turned around to face us.

"Edward Cullen! I haven't seen you since June. I was with mi hermano this summer. Who's this?" He asked, gazing at me, a small British accent flaring.

It didn't matter because I was barely breathing. I had the two hottest guys on the planet next to me. Edward was gorgeous but so was this…Damien guy. He had long, shaggy, dark brown hair that gently curled and waved. He had deep hazel eyes that had a gold tint to them (**I am actually describing someone I know. Colleen and Erin better not put his name up or I might hurt them. JK I love yall but you better not –Kassie)** He was about as tall as Edward, but not super muscular. He was sort of lanky. He smiled down at me.

"This is Bella. Bella Swan. She got here a few days ago. Her schools don't start for another few days, so she's not exactly happy to be here." Edward chuckled. It was true. Schools here started on the twenty-second of August. In Phoenix, schools started the week after Labour Day. Edward smiled down at me and my heart fluttered again. Shoot, would this ever go away? I had the cutest guy besides Edward here, and I still felt more for the taken guy.

"Well, I'm very glad she came here. Do we have Spanish and gym the same time again?" He said, still looking at me.

"Second and seventh? If so, then yeah." Edward said.

Damien nodded, seeming happy about it. "Hey, there's a party on Friday at Jessica's. Do you guys want to come?"

"Bella? Do you want to?"

"If-f your up to it. Will you be there Damien?" I asked, stuttering.

Damien grinned and nodded. "I know this is sort of forward, but would you like to see a movie with me on Friday? It's okay if you don't want to."

I stuttered out a simple yes, before Edward pulled me away. Damien already told me that he would pick me up at seven. I was in heaven as Edward pulled me away.

Shoot. People started coming in and I looked at the clock. Seven fifty. I grabbed Edward's hand. He lead me to a long line of old, rusty lockers, showing me mine. His was right next to mine. I started to put my stuff in as he warned about the lockers sticking. All of the sudden, Abigail Dakota came up to us. She gave Edward a big hug while squealing. I sighed.

Suddenly, Edward was pushing her against my locker and they were kissing. I could feel my heart wrenching as I watched them kiss. She moaned and I nearly screamed. Edward broke it off.

"Abigail, meet Bella. We'll have Biology 2, English, and Spanish with her." Edward said before kissing her on the top of her head.

"Oh, so your like, their new temporary kid? When are you staying till again?" Abigail said, shooting me a glare. I started to say something but she cut me off.

"If you don't mind me asking, how did you become a temp kid? I heard that only the unwanted uglies got put in temp, but you seem pretty enough. Did no one want you then?" She asked, her tone innocent, but I could see the lasers glaring at me. I could feel my throat welling up. I sent Edward a stare, begging for him to say something in my defense, but he didn't even glance towards me.

"I guess, I was just unwanted. I always am." I said before walking off. I expected to come up to me but he stayed where he was. I looked back to him, but they were making out by my locker again. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I walked towards the English room, completely alone in a brand new school. Fantastic.

By the time Edward and Abigail got into class, it was already two minutes late and they were both giggling. Edward took a seat in the back of the class. Abigail was next to him. I sat a seat in front of him. I had to give an introduction. I stuttered through the entire thing and some of the class was laughing. When I returned to my seat, I looked back to Edward for support, but he wasn't even paying attention. I could feel my throat closing again. I started to feel really anxious and my palms were sweating. I started to feel nauseated as I stood up.

"Mrs. Seall?" I asked, almost drowsily. I stumbled to the front.

"I'm about to go into a full blown panic attack. I'm really sorry." I whispered, feeling like I was about to pass out. Mrs. Seall gave me a once over and must've seen the greenish look on my face.

"Would anyone like to accompany Bella to the nurse's office?" Mrs. Seall asked. No one raised their hands. I looked back at Edward who was laughing about something with Abigail. A tentative hand raised in the middle row. "Angela? You would like to?"

"Yes, that'd be fine with me. Bella?" A small, scared voice called out. I nodded, feeling barely conscious. I started to walk out of the room with Angela. I turned back for one minute to see Edward looking at me, obviously perplexed. I sighed. Today was going to be the longest day of my life.

A.P. United States History was the only class Edward and I had together without interruption from anyone else. I had ignored Edward the entire time, and only talked to Damien. As for Biology, Edward had chosen to be lab partners with Abigail. Angela and Ben Cheney became mine. They both were friendly enough, and my day substantially brightened with my newly found friends. Lunch came soon enough. A.P. History came right after it, but lunch was a big hurtle.

I walked into the small lunch room. I looked at each table, deciding where to go. Edward waved me over to his table, seemingly noticing me for the first time. I kept looking. Angela, Ben, Damien, Jasper (who was a freshman), and a boy named Mike were all sitting there. Edward wasn't looking anymore, so after I got my lunch, I headed over to Angela's table.

"Bella!" Angela, Damien, and Ben all exclaimed. I blushed.

"Is it okay if I sit here with you guys?" I asked, obviously embarrassed. They all agreed. I kept my head down for most of lunch.

"So Bella," I heard from Mike "would you like to go out with me on Friday?" I didn't get a chance to answer him when I heard Damien's reply.

"She has plans with me, Mike." He growled. I sighed, eating my lunch in silence. When the bell rang, I nearly ran to my social studies room. I sat down in the very back, keeping my head down. Edward tapped on my shoulder. I looked up, the tears in my eyes refusing to recede. He looked at me for a moment.

"What's wrong, Bella? Are you okay?" He whispered. I looked at him for a second before giving him a large hug. "Whoa, whoa. Bella?"

"I hate it here! And you ha-ha-haven't even been looking at me or paying at-te-te-tention to me today." I wailed.

"Bella, it's okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ignore you. Please forgive me. I thought you were doing okay by yourself. You seemed to be getting a lot of friends. I'm so sorry. Why did you go earlier with Angela Weber?"

"I was having a panic attack and I needed someone to take me, and you weren't even paying attention so I didn't want to bug you." I said.

"Bella! You can always come to me. I want you here. I want to be here for you."

I sighed as he gave me a hug, in total and utter bliss. He grinned at me and wiped my eyes as the teacher came in and I took a deep breath. Maybe today wouldn't be as bad as I thought.

XoXoXoXoXoXo XoXoXoXoXoXo 

I groaned as I looked throughout my finished homework. Abigail's voice resounded throughout my head. "I heard that only the unwanted uglies got put in temp, but you seem pretty enough. Did no one want you then?" It kept replaying through my head. What was I to this family? Some charity case? I nearly burst into tears, when all of the sudden, I heard a loud piano song coming from upstairs. I followed the noise, curious to see which one of my family members was playing. The soft melody swirled around me like rose petals falling. I immediately relaxed as I followed it up. I saw a white antiqued door in front of me, and I gently pushed it open.

The melody kept going as Edward played. I could hear him singing something under his breath, then writing on a piece of paper. I could barely see the title. "Lullaby" I read. That was the only word. I sighed knowing it was probably for Abigail. All of the sudden, he stopped and turned around.

"Hey." I breathed, still dazed from the music.

"Hey, Bells! You okay?" He said, looking concerned. After all, it was midnight and I was in his piano room.

"You play piano too?" I asked.

He blushed. "Does that make me a geek? I play piano, guitar, drums, and violin. I've been in music lessons since I turned four." He said. I couldn't believe that I had made Edward Cullen blush. "Hey, what's wrong? You look really depressed. You can tell me. I'm here for you." He gave me a hug.

The entire story came out quickly. Edward looked angry when I got to the part about his girlfriend and I started crying. "Please don't be mad at me. I'm not lying." I cried.

"I just can't believe she said that and I didn't even notice." He growled. "Can you like, leave for a while. I'm really sorry."

It broke my heart as I climbed down the stairs. I heard him as I lay on my bed, absolutely miserable. I poured my heart out to him and he didn't care. He just shooed me out of his room. All of the sudden, I heard him yelling. "NO, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU MEANT, YOU CAN'T SAY THAT." I was perplexed but too miserable to care. I curled up in a ball on my bed. I was just a charity case. A mistake. Unwanted. I suddenly drifted into a restful sleep.

All of the sudden, I was awoken by the loud dissonance that was piano keys being slammed on. I looked at the clock. We had school in the morning, but we started late due to a teacher meeting. We had to be at school by 11:15. I was silently praising the Lord, looking at the clock which now read 1:47. I heard a door shut, and Edward come down the stairs noisily. I heard a slight knock on the door. I called for him to come in. I heard the door open but I refused to look at him.

Edward sat next to me on my gold bedspread. "Bella." He said, his tone rough.

"Bella." He said again, his voice broken.

"Bella, please, look at me."

"No." I replied, my voice thick, my nose stuffed up from crying.

He disappeared for a minute, but I felt the bed being pressed down on again.

"Bella! Please, I'm begging you. Please, can we just talk?"

"No! Leave me alone, Edward."

He sighed and started playing a song that I didn't recognize. I only half listened to it. I was still sobbing silently, but two verses stuck with me.

"I've seen this one before, the girl she gets away  
Everybody knows it but no one tries to stop it  
Cause she barely even knows him but if she could see inside  
Everything is quiet as she waits to tell him who she is  
Is this all we get to be absolute?"

But the second verse was more emotional for me.

"Quiet but I'm sure there is something here  
Tell me everything cause I want you here  
Quiet but I'm sure there is something here  
Tell me everything cause I want to hear" 

I sighed, tears running still. I flipped on my bed and looked at a very tired Edward. His eyes were red-rimmed, his hair messy.

"Why do you want to talk to the unwanted? You kicked me out of your bedroom this morning, you ignored me all day, and you kicked me out of your piano room. It's obvious, okay? I don't have to be your little sister. You can leave me alone. I'll be fine without you. I don't want to be a burden. I might just ask Esme to send me someplace else." I cried. I didn't want to leave the family, but I couldn't be a burden.

"Bella? How could you think that you're a burden to me?" He whispered, running his head through his hair.

"You sure act like it. I'm broken. You can't fix me."

"You aren't broken. I love you like my little sister. You're here for a reason and you can't leave because it would hurt my family so much. My mom has been in love with you since you were at her hospital. She always wanted all boys until you came around, She wanted you. I want you."

"I'm terrible."

"How could you say that? I just had a major fight with my girlfriend…well, now ex-girlfriend about that. How could you not see how desirable and wantable you are?"

" How could you broke up with her? You loved her."

"You're my new best friend. How could I not?" He said.

"I'm not worth it. I'm unwantable."

"Isabella. Bella. I'll show you how wantable you are."

And that is when Edward freaking Cullen kissed me.

**Ooooooh!  
I've been waiting to write that. **

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Steph Meyer. Songs written by The Fray, Rocket to the Moon, and Paramore. No copy write infringement intended. Blah blah blah.**

**I defiantly need at least 5 reviews for this. It was the longest chapter. Took up 6 Microsoft word pages in Times New Roman, size 12 font. And it's over 3100 words. I need those reviews!**


	7. Chapter 7: Sneak Peek :

**Hey Dearies! Sorry for not updating, I was on a retreat, so I've been gone for a little while. **

**Plus, I am super angry at my friend. She was having a rather large bitch fit, so I'm going to take this second to say that if she reviews this, I'll delete it "Because it's you." And p.s. I've been "friends" with you for two years now, it's not like I don't know that you aren't claustrophobic. Just saying. I'm done putting up with it.**

**Okay, now back to this story. Sorry about the update, but I really was gone, and plus, I think I would've made it super tragic cause I was mad, so it was probably good that I waited. I haven't had any time to write and the chapter isn't done so here's a sneak peek. Hope you like it! I'll be updating as soon as possible, which will be next week cause I'm flying out tomorrow to go home again! :D**

I felt my lips open as I breathed out. He pulled away quickly, grimacing.

His eyes were dark and brooding as I stared at him, stunned. His smiled quickly turned into a frown as he jumped off my bed. Edward slowly backed away from me.

"I am so sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to… He trailed off as he backed into the hallway, slowly turning away from me. I watched stunned as he disappeared from before me.

I laid back on my bed, feeling worthless. He hadn't meant to? What the hell did that mean?


	8. Chapter 8

Hey guys, new poll up!

I suggest you take it, because I literally will not update until I get at least 6 or 7 votes on it. It's just talking about the stories. Thanks. -K


	9. Chapter 9

I felt my lips open as I breathed out. He pulled away quickly, grimacing.

His eyes were dark and brooding as I stared at him, stunned. His smiled quickly turned into a frown as he jumped off my bed. Edward slowly backed away from me.

"I am so sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to… He trailed off as he backed into the hallway, slowly turning away from me. I watched stunned as he disappeared from before me. I lay back on my bed, feeling worthless. He hadn't meant to? What the hell did that mean?

EPOV-x-x-x-x-x-Taking it back a bit-x-x-x-x-x-

I looked up at my ceiling for what seemed like hours and sighed. Bella had seemed to be fitting in well at our school and she obviously didn't need me there to protect her. I thought of Abigail. She was nothing like Bella, and in secret, I liked Bella much more. Abigail was a sexy girl, but Bella was sweet but full of beauty. I grinned as I thought of her, but soon grimaced as my mind thought over the dark scars that peppered her delicate arms. I remembered the deep blood colour as it ran and a few drops fell to the ground. I shook my head, trying to get the image out of my head, to no avail. I hopped off of my bed as quickly as possible, needing to get this feeling of dread out. I walked past Bella's door, listening to the soft sound of music coming from her room. That gave me an idea.

Bella wasn't one to sleep well. Even in my room, she tossed and turned in the night, screaming at random moments and shaking as she slept. It made my heart break as I heard her screaming for people not to hit her, not to hurt her. I couldn't imagine what kind of demon would hurt my…err…Bella. It hadn't been long with her but I already felt a draw to the brown haired beauty that now lived in my house. I stopped at the stairs, turning back to walk back to Bella's door. She'd been so upset that I just wanted to hug her and not let her go, but I paused. I looked to her door, then looked back up the stairs. This was something I needed to do.

I walked up the stairs slowly, taking a moment to look at the cream door that was before me and I breathed in a sigh of relief. This was my sanctuary. I sat down at my piano bench, and grabbed a sheet of blank music and a pencil off of the grand piano. I thought of Bella and music just came to mind. I started playing notes, making a soft melody. I growled. It just wasn't good enough for Bella. I played a softer tune, something of beauty just for her. I wrote down the notes after playing them a few times over. I played them again and decided that it was a lullaby. A lullaby just for Bella, though it was a little bit faster than a traditional lullaby. I kept playing, constantly scribbling down notes and erasing them as they didn't fit. I got extremely frustrated, and started singing out words to go along with them. I couldn't quite get the beginning down but I could get down the chorus. (**This is my thoughts on what "my" lullaby is like…credits go to Lifehouse for their beautiful song) **

"Cause it's you and me,

And all of the people with nothing to do  
Nothing to lose,

And it's you and me,

And all of the people and I don't know why

I can't keep my eyes off of you."

I wrote down the words to the song on the piece of paper, smiling as I wrote. I heard a soft sigh behind me and I stopped. I heard a slight creek of the floor boards as someone shifted their weight from foot to foot. It was Bella. Her soft hair waved around her head as she looked stressed. I grinned at her, happy to see her. She bit her lip for a fraction of a second.

" Hey." She breathed, looking slightly tired or something.

"Hey, Bells! You okay?" I asked, worried. She looked as if someone killed her cat. I wondered what was keeping her awake tonight, hoping it wasn't me banging around on my piano. The last thing I wanted to do with my lullaby was to wake her up.

"You play piano too?" She asked, slightly dumbfounded.

I felt the warm flow of blood up to my cheeks as I blushed. "Does that make me a geek? I play piano, guitar, drums, and violin. I've been in music lessons since I turned four." I saw her smile for a second, but then her face turned into heartbreak. "Hey, what's wrong? You look really depressed. You can tell me. I'm here for you." I said, watching as her eyes turned downward, her blush reappear, and tears seemed to lurk under her composed surface. I stood up suddenly, wanting to just hold her, if only for a second. I needed her to be okay.

I sighed in my head. This was getting bad. I liked a girl who I barely knew, and I had a girlfriend, who I was, I felt, deeply in love with. There was just something about Bella.

I grabbed Bella around the waist, pulling her in tightly, her hair smelling softly of strawberries and her aroma absolutely amazing. I sat her down on the piano bench next to me, and her long, grueling story stormed out, shaking me down to my core. How could my girlfriend have been so cruel, and how did I just not notice? At first, my mind rejected it, thinking Bella had to be lying. I couldn't have missed something that major, could I? But then I thought about the look of doom on her face that had been present all day, and I realized that she couldn't be lying.

All of the sudden, I was furious. Bella thought she was unwanted, by me, by my mom, by everyone. Why couldn't she see that we loved her so much! My mother had always wanted her, ever since the day she was brought into the hospital where my mother worked. My mother had shot hundreds of pictures of her as she was growing, and I remember as my mother sobbed as Bella was put into a different foster care. She was brought back after a few years, which I still remember, then grabbed away again. The look on my mother's face as the phone call came in saying we could take Bella again, and though she didn't know it, adoption papers were being talked about within the walls of my home.

"Please don't be mad at me. I'm not lying." She sobbed. I looked up at her face, and tears trickled down onto the floor from her eyes. Her voice broke. I couldn't even describe the anger that I was feeling.

"I just can't believe she said that and I didn't even notice." I growled. "Can you like, leave for a while. I'm really sorry." I said. Abigail was going to get a piece of my mind, and I had a feeling it was not going to be pretty. Bella looked hurt as she turned away from me, grabbing her around the waist, almost as if to give herself a hug. She slowly left down the stairs.

I slipped my Droid out of my pocket and called Abigail. I was furious.

"Hello, baby!" She practically sung, I wasn't up for it.

"Cut the bullshit Abigail, I want to know why you said what you said to Bella earlier." I practically hissed.

"What do you mean, Edward? I've been nothing but nice to that little intruder."

"Little intruder? Unwanted ugly? What the hell are you thinking?" I asked, nearly yelling.

"Calm the fuck down, Edward. She just needs to know her place. She wants you, I can tell, and you don't seem too wary of her. Someone should be." She said, her voice still happy.

"So that means that you can walk all over her? She just got here! She's been through a lot. How could you?"

"How could I? How could you? How could you take her side over me? I'm your girlfriend." She said, her voice raising an octave.

"Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn't be." I said, already very annoyed.

"Edward, you don't mean that. And I didn't mean what I said. What I meant was…"

I cut her off. "NO, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU MEANT, YOU CAN'T SAY THAT." I yelled into the phone. My anger was bubbling over and I could hardly control it.

"Edward, don't you dare yell at me. I'm sick of this already. Why are you acting like such an asshole?" She said, starting to yell.

"Don't call me an asshole, you're acting like a bitch, Abigail. I'm sick of it." I said.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe we shouldn't be together, Edward. A real boyfriend wouldn't call me a bitch." Abigail huffed over the phone. I sighed.

"Fine. We're over." I said, but the moment I said it, it was a relief and a major pain.

"Fine, Edward." She said, and the dial tone sounded.

It was over. I thought about her, and everything Abigail and I had been through together. My first prom, my first love, my first real girlfriend. Everything was gone. I lost my virginity to her a few months back. It hadn't been her first time, but it was mine. I was stunned that I had just broken up with her, and went over to the cream walls and punched it. I noticed a hole where my fist had been and felt badly immediately. Mom was going to kill me. I sighed as I looked down at my throbbing hand, and was shocked as I held back a few tears. I couldn't believe Abigail wasn't mine anymore.

I slammed on the piano keys hard, shoving my hands down with rage and hurt. But pulled away after a moment of dissonance. I thought about the look on Bella's face as I told her to go downstairs, rudely shoving her out and slamming the door. Her face showed total abandon. I thought of how incredibly stupid and insensitive I was. She must've had that look on her face quite a few times with her other families, and I was determined that she wouldn't have to have it here.

I stomped down the stairs, pissed at myself. I was walking to my room when I stopped in front of Bella's door. The door was closed, but I could hear her shallow breathing. I couldn't just walk in there and see how she was doing. I had hurt her enough. I knocked slightly, praying to God that she would let me in.

"Come in." Her voice rasped. I could tell that she'd been crying and my heart slowly sunk.

I walked over to her bed. "Bella." I said, wanting her to feel how much I cared. She didn't even look at me. Bella didn't even make a motion to turn. She just lay there, head turned away from me.

"Bella?" I asked, starting to get panicked. I didn't want to lose her completely.

"Bella, please look at me." I pleaded, wanting to bring her to me and hold her, protecting her from everything that could ever hurt her.

"No." She said calmly. Her voice sounded stuffy, as if she had a cold. Her voice was dark, and I could tell she was wallowing in sadness.

All of the sudden, I had an idea. I hopped up from her bed and ran to my room. I grabbed my guitar and walked quickly back to sit on Bella's bed. This was my last shot.

"Bella! Please, I'm begging you. Please, can we just talk?" I pleaded.

"No! Leave me alone, Edward." She said, her voice breaking.

I sighed. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and with that I picked up my guitar, hoping that this would work. I thought about what songs to play. I flashbacked to the radio with the song "Dakota" and her grimace as the lyrics must've hurt her. I had to be careful. A perfect song came to mind and I started strumming a little and started to sing quietly to her.

"I've seen this one before, the girl she gets away  
Everybody knows it but no one tries to stop it  
Cause she barely even knows him but if she could see inside  
Everything is quiet as she waits to tell him who she is  
Is this all we get to be absolute?"

"Quiet but I'm sure there is something here  
Tell me everything cause I want you here  
Quiet but I'm sure there is something here  
Tell me everything cause I want to hear"

She turned over to look at me, and my suspicions were confirmed. She had big, fat tears rolling down her pallid face.

"Why do you want to talk to the unwanted? You kicked me out of your bedroom this morning, you ignored me all day, and you kicked me out of your piano room. It's obvious, okay? I don't have to be your little sister. You can leave me alone. I'll be fine without you. I don't want to be a burden. I might just ask Esme to send me someplace else." Bella sobbed, and my heart broke. She thought no one wanted her, not me, not Esme, no one. She must be so lonely, I thought. I wanted to make this hurt just go away.

"Bella? How could you think that you're a burden to me?" I whispered, the stress getting to me. I ran my fingers through my hair, an old nervous habit reappearing.

"You sure act like it. I'm broken. You can't fix me." She cried, watching me carefully as she sobbed.

"You aren't broken. I love you like my little sister." But I like you as so much more, if only you could see that. I didn't know what I was feeling. It wasn't quite a crush, so much as a slight infatuation. "You're here for a reason and you can't leave because it would hurt my family so much. My mom has been in love with you since you were at her hospital. She always wanted all boys until you came around, She wanted you. I want you." I said, my voice breaking a little bit.

"I'm terrible." She said, and I could feel the pain saturating her voice.

"How could you say that? I just had a major fight with my girlfriend…well, now ex-girlfriend about that. How could you not see how desirable and wantable you are?" My voice was on fire.

" How could you broke up with her? You loved her." Disbelief coloured her tone.

"You're my new best friend. How could I not?

"I'm not worth it. I'm unwantable."

"Isabella. Bella. I'll show you how wantable you are." Resolve brought into my actions, and I couldn't bear it anymore. I lunged forwards toward her.

I grabbed her softly by the waist and moved my head towards her, slowly nuzzling my chin into her neck, breathing in her soft strawberry scent. She smelled amazing, and I moved my lips slowly up to hers. I hesitated for a small second, and then gently pressed my lips to hers. Her lips were warm and moist (**random fact: I hate the word moist) **and I could taste her salty tears. She was stunned for a second but then kissed me back, wrapping her arms around my neck as she leaned into me. She opened her lips slightly and I felt her tongue push out towards mine. I wanted so badly to open my mouth but I just couldn't. Suddenly, I thought about her. I wasn't sure if I wanted her this way, and I didn't want to lead her on, only to hurt her later. I pulled away swiftly, breaking her hold from around my neck. Her lips were slightly swollen and she had an uncertain smile on her face. I grimaced. I wanted her, but it couldn't be this soon.

I could see rejection start to colour her face red, and I just couldn't take it. As much as I wanted to kiss her, I couldn't, so I hopped off the bed. Shock registered in her face.

"I am so sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to… " I trailed off. I couldn't do this. I backed away slowly, and practically ran to my room. I slammed the door and fell onto my bed. What had I done? I heard a knock.

"Come in!" I called, feeling like absolute shit. My monster of a brother hesitated as he came into my room.

"Dude, what the fuck did you do to Bella? Alice said she's crying in her room. She's trying to calm her down. She looks like shit and so do you. What happened?" Emmett asked, looking concerned. I just shook my head. I could barely talk at the moment.

"I kissed her."

"What?" Emmett yelped. I don't think he could believe it.

"She was crying and I kissed her. I just couldn't stand to see her cry." I whispered.

"Well, now she's crying even more. You better fix it." He said.

"Why are you guys up this late?" I asked, feeling even worse.

"We heard you stomping and I was up with Alice watching a movie and helping her with her seventh grade science project." He said as he started walking out. "Fix it." He threw over his shoulder as he left the room. I turned my head away from the door and breathed out. I could hear Bella's cries and Alice trying to sooth her. I felt terrible. I stared at the clock. Two in the morning. Fuck me. I had to fix this. I stood up and walked to Bella's room. I heard her wails louder than ever.

"I'm a mistake." She told Alice. I heard Alice shush her as someone came up behind me, giving me a shove into the door. I twisted around. Emmett was looking at me oddly, and nodded for me to open the door. I opened it, and shooed Alice out.

"We need to talk, Bella." I said as the door closed behind Alice.

Her eyes were even redder, and you could tell that Alice had been brushing her hair. I prayed she would let me talk to her.

"I love you as a sister, and I have since we were little. I think I like you as something else though. I don't want to hurt you though, so I need to figure it out. I don't even know how you feel about me so I'm so sorry that I kissed you without your permission." I spat out.

"I love you like a brother, but I like you as more. You can't like me." She whispered again.

"How can I make you feel better?" I asked. "You're wanted here. How can I show you that?"

"Can you just stay here with me?" She asked, patting the side of the bed next to her. I went and laid down, slipping off my short and bringing her in for a hug. She breathed in my scent and sighed. I smiled and she soon fell asleep. I watched as I sung her small lullaby to her. She snored gently in her sleep and her dark brown hair cascaded over her shoulders. I twirled it in my fingers, and I grabbed her closely. How did I mess up this badly? I felt her heartbeat as I snuggled into her neck. I found that I had a small but growing crush on this girl who I had lived with throughout my life. I curled up next to her on her bed.

"Edward?" She called out to me, her eyes opening to greet mine.

"Yes Bella?"

"Can you close your eyes for a minute?" She asked and I obliged.

She leaned in and kissed me lightly on my lips, then closed her eyes and fell back asleep. I grinned brightly. This girl really was something. I turned off the light next to her and fell fast asleep.

**Hey guys! It's Kassie, sorry for the time it took to update. Hope this was a good substitution. It was over 3000 words and took up 8 microsoft word pages O.o**

**Hope y'all liked it. I need 5 reviews please :D**


	10. Chapter 10

I started strumming as I picked up the melody that I heard in my head. It was full of life, just like her.

I hadn't been able to get over those tears as they rolled down Bella's face that night, and every night after, my dreams were haunted by the sound of her weeping. I felt like a dick and nothing I could do would get rid of that feeling of regret.

"It's true.  
He never made it through a day of school.  
The only thing he studied was you.  
He knows your body better than you do.

Maybe I'm your Mr. Right.  
Baby, maybe I'm the one you like.  
Maybe I'm a shot in the dark,  
and you're the morning light.  
Whoa  
Maybe this is sad but true.  
Baby, maybe you've got nothing to lose.  
You could be the best of me,  
when I'm the worst for you"

I strummed lightly, singing as quietly as I could in my piano room. I didn't want her to hear how I felt about her. I was only going to complicate things, and if I never heard her sobbing again, I would die a happy man. I don't think I could take the pain of that again. I thought about her for a little more before adding another part to the song.

"It's true.  
The moment he laid eyes on you, he knew the only wish he wanted came true.  
He knows he's lucky that he met someone like you." 

I slowly put down my guitar, shaking my head slightly. I knew this song was good and I would love to play it for her, but it was never going to be good enough for my Bella. 

Things had been awkward between us recently. I hadn't seen her much after that kiss. She had avoided me at school and hid from me in the house. She had finally gotten her learner's permit, and she drove with mom and dad to school everyday. She sat with Angela, Damien, and Ben everyday, pointedly ignoring me. She had gone to Damien's party without me, and had come home smiling and gossiping with Alice. When I had told Alice to lay off because she knew nothing about romance or high school, she reminded me that she was in 7th grade, and she certainly knew more about Bella than I did. And trust me, that stung.

But I knew something else about Bella.

She was in total and complete agony.

Maybe I was acting like a stalker, but I heard her cries out in the night, and I went to investigate. She cried almost every night in her sleep, and I found the bloodied razor in the bathroom, quite accidently. When she was asleep one night, I rolled up her sleeves. Nothing was there. I rolled up her shirt slightly and the evidence stared me right in the face. She was cutting her stomach.

My heart sped up as I saw that and I flipped out. I went upstairs to my safe haven and yelled as I broke things. I couldn't take her cutting. That girl was going to be the death of me.

So the next day, I snuck downstairs extra early and explained to my parents that I needed to work something out with Bella when it came to schoolwork and that I would take her to school that day. They quickly agreed. I was in.

She walked downstairs sluggishly with Alice bouncing in tow. I cringed as I noticed her in Daisy Duke's and a black long sleeved, cotton button-down shirt. She looked as normal as possible, with no signs that she had been cutting at all. My parents always looked for her scars on her arms, and they checked her that morning, as always. They just didn't know where to look.

Her hair was different that day. I remember the red streak that ran down one side of her hair and the thick eyeliner. My parents stared for a few seconds before embracing her and making her sit down for breakfast. I looked at Alice, but she only stared back at me.

"Edward, can you help me with my math really quickly before breakfast?" Alice asked as she pulled on my arms. I looked down to scold her, but she gave me a look that shut me up instantly. Emmett looked concerned at the two of us as he trailed behind us. I didn't try to stop him. He deserved to know about his family.

"I saw them Edward! She's doing it again. They're all over her stomach and under her shorts. She wouldn't let me help with her hair today or her makeup. Look at her! She looks all goth and I don't think she's doing very well." Alice said as she teared up. I put my arms around my small sister's shoulders.

"What's going on?" Emmett asked, confused. Alice just started to wail louder.

"Cuts, Emmett, cuts. She has them all over her body besides her arms." I hissed as I heard a scraping of a chair as it was pushed away from the table. Emmett's eyes went wide as we heard her coming down the hall. Emmett grabbed up Alice and held her tightly as he looked very scared. Alice just cried.

Bella walked down the hall towards us, a kind look on her face. She had on a hard exterior but acted as sweetly as ever. I noticed her tall black lace up Converse boots. She looked hot as hell, but she also looked like she could kick anyone's ass.

Emmett just put down Alice. "Bel.." He started, but I cut him off quickly by shoving my elbow into his stomach. He groaned as he looked at me.

Bella looked inquisitively at us but passed us and headed into the bathroom in the middle of the hallway. When she came out again, her eyeliner was even thicker, she had on fake eyelashes, her eyeshadow was dark blue, and her lips were blood red. She seriously was looking like a hooker.

She stomped off and smiled at us each, especially at Alice. She bent down to Alice's level.

"You okay? Sorry I didn't let you do my hair and makeup today, but I just really wanted to wear this. Got to let Damien know how I much I want him." She winked and I felt sick to my stomach. Alice wiped her eyes on her sleeves, a habit I hadn't seen her do since she was about eight years old. Alice gave her the best big girl smile that I thought she could give, but we all saw past her watery eyes to see the pain she was trying to hide.

"Ready to go, Edward?" Bella asked as she motioned for me to come with me.

"Yeah, I'm ready. Let me just grab my keys." I said as walked away from Emmett and Alice. I needed to talk to Bella before this got any worse.

I climbed into my car and Bella automatically plugged in her Ipod and turned it up.

"So one day, he found her crying  
Coiled up on the dirty ground  
Her prince finally came to save her  
And the rest you can figure out  
But it was a trick  
And the clock struck twelve, well make sure  
To build your house brick by boring brick  
Or the wolf's gonna blow it down"

I cringed and shut off the music. Bella glared at me, throwing me a glance that could wound Samson. I frowned.

"Bella, we need to talk." I started but she just looked out the window and stared. She huffed but I could see out of the reflection that she had a single tear rolling down her cheek and I knew I couldn't do this now so I closed my mouth and we drove in silence.

When we got to school, she jumped out of the car as quickly as possible and ran inside. I followed behind her, sighing as I went.

I wish I had gone a little bit slower because I certainly didn't want to see what I saw next.

Damien had Bella pressed against a locker, one hand holding her up by pushing her ass up and the other hand on her breasts. They were making out and I sincerely regretted getting there extra earlier.

Ben passed me by as I started to see red and a whirring in my ears started.

"When did that happen?" I asked Ben as he stopped in front of me, eyes wider than I had ever seen them.

"Last Friday, at the party. I was surprised you weren't there, but they hooked up. I thought you knew." He stuttered out. I felt bad but my anger boiled over.

"What the fuck? What do you mean 'hooked up'?" I growled at him, grabbing him by the shirt. He just stared at me.

All of the sudden, arms pulled me back suddenly and I was being pounded in the face.

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY BROTHER!" I heard Damien screaming as he beat my face to a pulp.

"Oh God." I heard someone whisper and I looked up and saw Bella. Ben was trying to pull Damien off of me, and Bella was staring at the drops of blood on the ground, looking very ill. I threw my arms up to protect myself and I blacked out as I saw Bella fall to the ground.


End file.
